Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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