your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
