I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
