i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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