Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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