when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
