I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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