Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
