Dignity is for republicans.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
