You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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