i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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