Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
