S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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