I cannot find my penis.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
