He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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