I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
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