I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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