I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She's the barista slut.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
