just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
