Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Randomize
