advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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