for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
