someone get that fucking seahorse.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
