Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
