he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Don't EVER smell your tampon
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize