My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
