You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
