I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
