hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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