Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
