i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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