ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
