it was like his penis was on wheels.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
