Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
