Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
