I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
