come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You need Xanax blowdarts
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
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