so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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