Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
