Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
