I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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