If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
