I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
