areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
