he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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