idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
