Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
They have beer where we have blood.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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