So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
