ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize