We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
