i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
