$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
