I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
