Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
