Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
