cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
