i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
