My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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