i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
