Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
