There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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