I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
