i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize
