When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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