508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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