: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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