I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
