I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
