Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
