she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize