God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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