How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
