i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
