in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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