I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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