No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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