i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
